Choosing funeral music without overwhelm (whichever side of the table you’re on)

Hi friend,

Whether you’re a family member planning a service or a professional guiding one, the moment you ask “What songs feel right for them?” can get heavy. Music isn’t a checkbox… it’s how the room remembers.

Here’s a simple, calm way to make those choices—no pressure, no jargon.

A 10-minute method that works for both families and directors

• Start with the person, not a playlist. Ask three memory prompts:

  • What did they hum around the house or play on Sunday drives?

  • Is there a hymn, artist, or genre tied to their faith or story?

  • Was there a “signature moment” song (wedding, road trip, favorite concert)?

• Offer a gentle trio. One traditional, one contemporary, one instrumental. People choose faster when options are curated, not crowded. (DirectorOS: Music)

• Place songs where they do the most good. Think simple arc:

  • Prelude (arriving and settling)

  • Processional/opening (gathering and honoring)

  • Reflection (quiet space for feeling)

  • Recessional (the send-off)

• Sense-check the mood. Ask, “Should this feel reverent, hopeful, or celebratory?” Match selections to the feeling.

Language that lowers stress (whichever side you’re on)

• “We’ll take this one step at a time and only decide what matters right now.”

• “When you think of them, what sounds or songs come to mind?”

• “Would a quiet instrumental give us a breath here?”
  Purpose calms; policy pressures. Small shifts in words make big differences. (Language Shift Checklist; DirectorOS)

Practical checks that prevent day‑of surprises

• Test playback in the actual room; set consistent volume.

• Confirm you have the right versions (and licensing where needed).

• Print a simple order with titles and timings for clergy, musicians, and staff. (DirectorOS: Music)

Mini starter sets (mix and match)

• Reverent: Amazing Grace (hymn), Be Thou My Vision (piano/instrumental), It Is Well (solo or congregational)

• Reflective modern: Somewhere Only We Know (piano instrumental), The Parting Glass (vocal or instrumental), Holocene (instrumental cover)

• Hopeful send‑off: What a Wonderful World (Louis Armstrong), You Raise Me Up (instrumental), Here Comes the Sun (string instrumental)

A tool I built to make this easier, if you want it
I created Funeral Music Planner as a calm, guided page where families can choose songs without overwhelm, and where funeral homes get a clean, branded Order of Service PDF—one link, one playlist, one service. You can create a free sample case to see the flow. No pitch—just something I wish I’d had in the arrangement room and behind the microphone. (funeralmusicplanner.com)

If you try the method above this week, even just the “one traditional, one contemporary, one instrumental” trio, you’ll feel the room settle. That’s the point.

With care,

Nathan
Funeral director, musician, single dad who keeps showing up