My Biggest Funeral Mistake—And the Lesson That Changed Me

Hey Friend,

If you saw my recent video, you know I made a terrible mistake at a funeral. I promised to share the full story and the lesson that changed how I approach grieving families. Here it is—straight from the heart.

The Mistake That Haunts Me
It was the morning of a loved one’s funeral. The family walked into the funeral home, their faces heavy with grief, carrying the weight of their loss. As the first person they saw, I wanted to offer warmth and support. But instead, I said, “Good morning, how are you today?” The moment the words left my mouth, I saw their expressions shift—pain flashed across their eyes. It hit me like a ton of bricks: Why would I ask how they’re doing when we all know they’re miserable? It’s a thoughtless, automatic greeting that ignores the reality of their suffering. I felt awful, knowing my words added even a tiny burden to their already unbearable day.

Why Words Matter So Much
In moments of grief, every word carries weight. A simple “how are you” can feel like a dismissal of their pain, forcing them to either lie with a polite “fine” or confront their raw emotions in a way they’re not ready for. As a funeral director, my role is to hold space for their sorrow, not to gloss over it with empty pleasantries. That day, I realized I’d failed to do that. I’d let habit override empathy, and it’s a mistake I’ll never make again.

The Lesson I Learned—and What I Say Instead
After reflecting deeply (and apologizing to the family later with sincerity), I knew I had to change. Now, instead of a generic greeting, I say something that acknowledges their loss and offers presence, like, “I’m honored to be with you today,” or “I’m here for you during this difficult time.” These words don’t pretend everything is okay—they validate their grief and open a door for connection without demanding a response. It’s a small shift, but it makes a world of difference. If you’re ever in a position to support someone grieving—whether professionally or personally—skip the “how are you” and choose words that show you see their pain.

Let’s Reflect Together
Have you ever said something in a moment of grief that you regretted? Or experienced a time when someone’s words hurt more than helped? I’d love to hear your story—reply to this email if you feel like sharing. I’m here to listen.

What’s Next?
I’ll be sharing more raw stories and lessons from my dual worlds of funerals and music in future newsletters. If this resonated with you, stick around—there’s more to come. And if you know someone who might find value in these insights, forward this email or share my latest video (link below if you missed it).

I Made a Terrible Mistake at a Funeral

With heart,
Nathan

P.S. Want to dive deeper into meaningful communication during grief? My next email will include a short guide on words that heal—don’t miss it.