Words That Heal—Your Guide for Grief

Hey Friend,

Last time, I shared my biggest funeral mistake—greeting a grieving family with a thoughtless “How are you?” on the day of their loved one’s funeral. It taught me how much words matter in moments of loss. As promised, I’ve put together a short guide on “Words That Heal”—phrases that comfort rather than hurt during grief. Whether you’re a funeral professional, a friend, or just someone who wants to support others, these can make a difference. Let’s dive in.

Why Words Can Hurt or Heal
When someone is grieving, they’re raw and vulnerable. A poorly chosen phrase can feel like a dismissal of their pain, while the right words can offer a lifeline of connection. Over years as a funeral director, and through my own experiences with loss that I’ve poured into music, I’ve learned that empathy in language isn’t about fixing things—it’s about showing you see their hurt. Here’s a guide to help you do just that.

Words That Heal: 5 Phrases to Comfort During Loss

“I’m Here for You”

Why It Works: This simple statement offers presence without demanding a response. It reassures them they’re not alone, without prying into their emotions.

When to Use: Anytime, especially when you’re unsure what to say—it’s a safe, heartfelt default.

Example: “I’m here for you, whatever you need today.”

“I’m So Sorry for Your Loss”

Why It Works: It acknowledges the reality of their grief directly, validating their pain without fluff or clichés.

When to Use: Early in a conversation or at a funeral, as a sincere starting point.

Example: “I’m so sorry for your loss—I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

“I’m Honored to Be With You During This Time”

Why It Works: It conveys respect for their experience and your role in supporting them, shifting focus from their state to shared humanity.

When to Use: In formal settings like funerals, or when meeting a grieving family for the first time.

Example: “I’m honored to be with you during this difficult time.”

“Is There Anything I Can Do to Help?”

Why It Works: It offers practical support without assuming what they need, giving them control to ask (or not).

When to Use: After initial condolences, when you’re ready to follow through on specific help.
Example: “Is there anything I can do to help, even something small like running an errand?”

“I Remember [Loved One’s Name]—They Meant So Much”

Why It Works: Using the loved one’s name and sharing a positive memory (if genuine) honors their life, showing the loss matters to you too.

When to Use: When you knew the deceased and can share a brief, authentic memory or trait.
Example: “I remember Sarah’s laugh—it always lit up the room. She meant so much to so many.”

What to Avoid—and Why

“They’re in a Better Place” or “Everything Happens for a Reason”:
These can feel dismissive, implying their pain shouldn’t exist. Not everyone finds comfort in spiritual or fatalistic views.

“How Are You?” or “You’ll Be Fine”: As I learned painfully, these ignore the obvious misery or pressure them to mask their feelings.

“I Know How You Feel”: Even if you’ve experienced loss, this can minimize their unique grief. Instead, focus on their experience with phrases like those above.

A Personal Note
These phrases have become my go-to after years of trial and error. One of the hardest lessons was realizing silence is often better than the wrong words—sometimes just sitting with someone in quiet solidarity speaks louder than anything. If you’re ever unsure, a gentle nod or touch (if appropriate) can say “I’m here” without risking hurt.

Let’s Share Healing Words
Have a phrase that’s helped you or someone else through grief? Or a memory of words that healed? Reply to this email—I’d love to hear and maybe share your insights (anonymously if preferred) in a future newsletter.

What’s Coming Next?
I’m working on a piece about how music can be a balm for grief, including a snippet of a song I wrote after a personal loss. Stay tuned for that in my next email. If you found this guide helpful, forward it to someone who might need it, or share my latest video stories (link below).

[Watch My Recent Videos]

With empathy,
Nathan

P.S. Want a printable version of this “Words That Heal” guide to keep handy? Reply with “Printable Guide,” and I’ll send it over in my next update.